La Chiva Linda

Updates!

2008-09-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

Hey ladies and gents! In case you were wondering, I am alive. My negligence of this blog is getting worse, but I only sort of feel bad. I am sure you are wondering what is going on with me, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, so let's start with the positive updates in my life and then I will leave you with the negative to help you better face your day.

~ I was a judge for a short story competition! The contest is still going on but I was chosen to be a judge for the 2nd round. :D Let me just comment that I was so surprised at the quality of the entries. Out of the 32 stories I was assigned, only 5 were worth reading. 5. Seriously. It was a great experience and one that I'm glad to put on my resume!

~ I got a new job!!! It is so ridiculous the way this all worked out that I cannot contain myself. I've been praying for a looooong time for the Lord to guide me to a job that will allow me to ultilize my skills and love for writing/editing on a full-time basis. I have been in the accounting field for almost all of my professional life and I felt like the Lord supported me in my desire for a change but all of my attempts to do so never came to anything. Until.... this Thursday a friend of mine (and former boss), Crystal called me and asked me if I was interested in coming to work with her. Guess what I will be doing? Writing and editing, baby! There will be a lot of paper pushing and clerical work, but I feel really excited and ready to begin this job. I interviewed on Friday and accepted the position that same day. Just like that. I feel so blessed (seriously so blessed, ha!) that Crystal kept me in mind (and talked me up to her boss! Thanks, Crystal!) and that everything worked out as smoothly as it did.

~ My apartment flooded. If you hear loud weeping, don't be alarmed. We have been dealing with this disaster for a month already. Take a look at these pics so that you can try to understand the drama that is this flood: Fyi - These are not dirty footprints. The carpet is soaked with water, lots of water, which poured into our apartment because of the neighbor's bad pipe. The pic doesn't do the situation justice, but believe me when I say there was A LOT of water.

The carpets had to be ripped up, cleaned and the pads replaced. They have come and done this four times in the last month 'cause the water just keeps coming. Four frickin' times! The only blessing that has come out of this. My Cuban lover.

Meg's entire bedroom had to be moved to the "safe zones" in the apt. Only my bedroom and the living room didn't flood. The box springs to her bed had to dry in the kitchen after the water in there got cleaned up.

I was sent on a mission to go in to the tempest to look for the DVD remote.

Meg's room.

More of the packed living room.

Our guest bathroom.

The dining room.

My light through all this darkness.

My TV Boyfriends

2008-09-02T02:17:00.000-07:00

Megen and I watched the The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning with Ivy the day before yesterday and I commented (not the first time) on how strangely attracted I am to Ariel's father, King Triton. You may call that creepy, but I call it love.

Other strange love interests include:

Alton Brown of Good Eats - Sometimes he repulses me and other times I wouldn't mind having his child. This picture evokes repulsion more than anything and yet my love is so all-encompassing that I can overlook it.

Gil Grissom - CSI. Not really such a "strange" love interest and nothing of which I am ashamed. I am so madly in love with Gil (we are on a first name basis) that my heart aches for him. He is such a mysterious man, intelligent, socially inept and incapable of fully giving his heart to me. What more does a girl need? *Sigh*

Michael Scott - The Office... and Dwight Schrute sometimes!!! There is nothing intelligent about Michael and he looks to be a horrible kisser. He's awkward and cringe-worthy.

I think it is Dwight's mustard shirt that gets me every time.

I also have a little crush on Nephi. He's not on TV, nor is he fictional, but whatever.

Snack Time

2008-08-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

There is a homeless woman who lives in front of my work. She meanders from business to business throughout the day and has found permanent residency across from our building. My boss hates her because she has taken over a bench on the front sidewalk and encroaches on our property. Cops have been called and threats have been made but she wont leave. Maybe the woman thinks we have trespassed on her property; she has lived in the area longer than us.
This week my coworker, Tabitha and I went across the street to a convenience store for a snack. We crossed paths with the homeless lady and she stopped us. I knew she would before she did.
She asked if we could buy her a few things if she gave us money. I looked at Tabitha and thought Be Christian. "Sure." I assumed she wasn't welcome in the store. The list was drawn up on a square of napkin as follows (in this exact order, if it means anything at all to you):
- Cookies
- Pepsi Bottle
- Coca Cola Bottle
- Mountain Dew Bottle
- Ice
- Neapolitan Ice Cream
- Snack pack "aka Lunchables"
- Pinesol for Bacteria
- Cold water

The list disgusted me. When I asked for the money she paused and said, "Oh, they'll take care of it for you inside." I looked at Tabitha, confused. "Who will?" I asked the woman.
"Oh, the Military will. They'll cover the tab. I work for the Military." I looked at Tabitha again because she actually was employed by the Military before working with me. She left me to fend for myself. "I'm sorry," I said. "I can't buy this for you unless you give me the money." I imagined she was going to hit me. I imagined she would try to grab the wallet that I gripped tightly in my hand. I imagined she would spit obscenities. She looked at me. "I'm sorry," I repeated and tried to give her the list back. It had already ripped at the bottom destroying Pinesol for Bacteria. "You keep it." she said. "Just in case it all works out."
In the store Tabitha said, "She's crazy."
"I was just trying to be Christian. Maybe I should've gotten her something anyway."
"Maybe if she'd just asked for a snack and a bottle of water I would've. Not a whole grocery list."
"She's obviously not OK."
"Let's walk around her on the way back."

The next day she wasn't parked in the usual spot. She'll be back. She has to come back. I wish I would've asked her her name.

Mamma Mia!

2008-08-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

You know, I've often prided myself on how following my gut-instincts (aka The HG) has kept me from harm, and yet tonight I went against those internal whisperings and allowed my peers to talk me into something that I knew would only bring me tears in the end. I went to see Mamma Mia. *sobs loudly*

Let me first explain that I am a huge fan of ABBA. But this... this was not ABBA. This was Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan awkwardly squawking their notes and yearning in heartache as they reminisced about their 20-year old relationship that went wrong. I don't know what you have to say about the duo, but Meryl Streep kicked A in The River Wild and I even loved her in The Devil Wears Prada (and nearly every movie she's been in) but this was a hot mess. I've never really been a Brosnan fan, though he isn't unfortunate to watch... until now. He looked awkward when he sang and he needed to shave, badly. I love a man with stubble, but he had a homeless man's shadow which immediately implies an emanating stench and drops the sex factor a few points. They were not the only main characters, but I have to pick on them because I expected more from them.

I have no idea who choreographed this, but it certainly wasn't anyone from the So You Think You Can Dance crew. Can I just use the word "awkward" here again? Maybe they made the dance moves unremarkable because all of the 60-year old Greek women extras they used had to nail them?? I'm trying to understand here. And let's not forget the moment where Streep runs and jumps through an open gate and with the art of cinematography the camera is slowed down and staggered in a moment that is very reminiscent to the Power Rangers and Tron. I also cannot fail to mention the happy ending where water is spraying everywhere and ALL of the men in the movie suddenly have their shirts off and are laughing and dancing and hugging/kissing their significant other.

Oh my gosh, I have so many other things to say about this movie, but if I keep ragging on it I'm going to start looking petty. Here's what others have said about it (I got these from Rotten Tomatoes and thought they were dead on):

"There might not be anything as utterly dispiriting as watching people pretending to have fun, and that is quite literally the only card the movie has to play."

"You could spend all week eating bacon at a pig farm and still find more ham in "Mamma Mia!," an irrepressible, unstoppable kaleidoscope of karaoke camp gone berserk that features a cast happily mainlining ABBA's songbook."

Let me just say 3 good things about it so that I end this post with positive karma floating in the air:
1. Megen and I laughed so hard while watching this that I snorted on two separate occasions, which made us laugh more and fear an uproar from the audience. They probably misdiagnosed my guffaws as movie-watching delight.
2. Amanda Seyfried (who plays Streep's daughter) has a beautiful voice.
3. The scenery makes me want to quit my life and move to Greece.

I just had to share this with the masses. I felt it my duty. Amen

Everyone is Fond of Owls

2008-07-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

I bet you are all disgusted by staring at that Smores madness over and over again. Sorry! I thought of good ol' Cat Face to post but #5 was really disappointing so I have decided to make an executive decision and move on. May Cat Face rest in peace (unless I find another clever one to post). I found this and loved it. Let me know what you think.

Recipe for Disaster!

2008-07-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what charbroiled Smores look like after being left alone under the broiler for approximately 3 minutes too long?

Can you guess where the graham crackers were?!

And now you know.

Tilt & Pour Slowly

2008-06-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

Please tell me, is anyone else as freaked out by these new milk containers as I am? My loved ones know that I have a real problem with change AND a love for milk, so you can only imagine how I am feeling right now.

What was wrong with the old containers? I once read somewhere that sunlight will break down the vitamin D in milk and now I wonder if this conspiracy has anything to do with the new gallons. Okay, so let's say that it is true since science has never lied to us *cough* in the past. I don't know if the breakdown in the vitamin's molecular structure and atomic ratios and other smart-sounding scientific terms significantly occurs enough to change the container! Its not like we are taking our milk for a walk so that it sunburns all the vitamin D away. It is sitting in the dark fridge for most of the time so I don't know what all the complaining is about.

Why do I really care, you ask? Because I am part of a culture that needs to SEE what they are buying. You could be selling me a bottle of bleach with a milk sticker slapped on it and wouldn't know until I got home. I need to see that mold isn't growing up on my whole wheat slices, and that my eggs aren't cracked and oozing onto its neighbor thus making it nearly impossible to pull them out of the carton without having a handful of egg guts and shell. I need to insure that the creamy deliciousness that I think I am purchasing isn't going morph into a glass of curds and whey. Listen, sometimes its hard enough to tell if milk is good with the opaque containers I have grown up on since all the rotten chunks sink to the bottom anyway, but I have also seen some yellowish looking cow nectar with an expiration of a week or more away and thankfully all crises were diverted before the gallon of cottage cheese ended up in my cart. How am I supposed to divert a catastrophe if I can't see it through the white container?

And what were they thinking with that big ol' pour spout? Seriously? Look at the difference between the quarter and the opening. That's a wide mamma jamma! Its big enough for me to put my head in there and tongue that milk right up...and it even lets a gang of vitamin D destroying sun in every time the cap is unscrewed. Hypocrites.

"Tilt & Pour Slowly," the best cautionary alert I have seen in a long time, cause if you don't half of the gallon is going to be cascading down your front when all you were trying to do is take a little glassless sip.

These new containers are out of control.

My Trip To Argie!!!!

2008-06-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

Argie was deliciously amazing and now my obsession has been renewed. My only complaint, if I am allowed to have one, is that the trip wasn't long enough. Laura and I ended up rushing from house to house trying to see every one when it just wasn't possible! The weeks flew like days! Now we know how to do it better when we go back in 2010, baybee!

My Room - A disaster, I know. That's what happens when you lose your passport 30 minutes before you are supposed to be in the airport. Sorry, Laura. Thank goodness for magic 8 balls and faith.

Buenos Aires Temple. It was a cold and windy day but still beautiful.

We were welcomed in the airport by The Wajchmans and Melina.

This is actually when they said goodbye to us but I love the pic!

Melina, Condori and Lucena (not pictured) came to visit us at the Wajchman's home.

Mar Del Plata - painted right next to the Catholic church in centro.

The pic does not do this justice. It is a beautiful church. The specs are rain.

Another church. This time in Buenos Aires.

Maxi Spitale!!

In a restaurant in Mar Del Plata. This flan (which tasted like cold eggs and maple syrup) was given to us as part of the meal. This one is actually Laura's but she hated it so I had her slip it to me so that I could eat some of it. For some reason I was back in mish mode where I didn't want to offend anyone for not eating what they offered! When I realized it didn't matter most of it was gone. El Pollo Loco's is much better.

Handicapped bathroom stall in Tandil

Drinking Mate in Tandil

Nikolas Grondona. My favorite :)

Hotel Belgrano in Bahia Blanca. It's hard to tell, but Laurita is having NO trouble at all lifting this bed off the ground just by sitting on the edge of it. The thing must have weighed about 2 lbs. The bulk of a bed is often its mattress but this mattress was about a 1/4 inch thick. We were appalled to have paid $100 pesos for the room = $33 dollars. It was amazingly fun!

The bathroom
One of my Argentine daddies. Fiabane!
Venancio. He was pretty excited to see me and I was excited to see him!!!
Rosa!
Buenos Aires - Obelisk in the middle (it was built in 1936 and took only a month!)

Graffitti in Punta Alta. "With Christ we are more than victorious"

Graffitti in Mar del Plata - Homage to Lennon

Check out this guy in the background. It was hard to get a shot but he is totally sporting a side ponytail. See it?
ps. I pretended to be taking a pic of Laura.

A decorative pillow stuffed with trash bags, of course. Who doesn't have one of those?

We got along really well on this trip.

Ok, ok. I have a zillion more photos to share but will stop here. I miss Argie!

Not All YOUs Are Created Equal

2008-06-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

During this last trip to Argie we were hanging out in a member's home while one of their sons chatted on the internet with an Argentine (I can't remember his name so I will call him Juan) who had taught himself English. The son thought it would be fun for Juan if Laura (my partner in crime) and I chatted with him in English. Our chat log went something like this:

Juan: Hi, how are you?
Me: Good, and you? How did you learn English?
Juan: From books, teaching myself, talking with missionaries
Me: Wow! That's great. And how old are you?
Juan: 18 and cha?
Me: Cha? What's that?
Juan: Its slang. They use it in Chicago.

(Now, I have to be honest here because at this point I asked myself: 1. How does he know this. 2. What the junk is cha? and 3. The only use it in Chicago?)

Me: I've never heard anyone say that before.
Juan: You = ya = cha

(His enlightening explanation did not lift the veil of confusion. Just because I hadn't heard it before didn't necessarily make it wrong, but it didn't jive.)

Me: ?? I don't know about that. Juan, I think you are mistaken.
Juan: I do know about that

(I was starting to sense a little bit of a prideful attitude by this point and I was confused because I legitimately didn't know what he was talking about even though he was acting like he had spoken English his whole life. Laura wasn't enjoying this as much as I was.)

Juan: The Australian group the Veronicas uses "cha" in their lyrics all of the time.

(Is anyone else wondering what an Australian group has to do with Chicago? Well, apparently they both speak in pretend code. At this point Laura realized what he was saying!!! Aguante Laurita!! You know when people say, for example, "Don't ya like him?" or "Wont ya go with us?" but it sounds like "Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" THAT'S WHAT HE WAS SAYING... using 'cha' as a substitute for 'you' in every case. I'm sorry to tell ya, but you don't go around asking people, "Do cha wanna go on a date with me? It sounds creepy and doesn't make sense in Chicago nor Australia. So I explained the confusion and we all got a good laugh out of it, except for Juan who was a little skeptical about it all!

Cha are the wind beneath my wings.

I'M GONNA BE RICH!!!

2008-05-11T17:43:00.000-07:00

This letter was sent to my email and I found it to be quite hilarious. I can't believe people fall for this. My comments are in green.

The subject line says : "Write/Call Me"

From Mr. Daniel Mensah.

Greetings to you,

This letter must come to you as a big surprise, but I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends/ business partners. I am Daniel Mensah, currently Head of Corporate Affairs Department with a reputable bank here in Ghana. I write you this proposal in good faith,
believing that I can trust you with the information I am about to reveal to you.
Why will you trust me? I don't know you and you aren't my friend. Which bank, by the way? Oh, a reputable one in Ghana. I feel safer now.
It was only a day when I met my best friend...

I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. On June 5th, 2000, a German business tycoon Mr. Andreas Schranner made a (Fixed deposit) for 60 calendar months, valued at US$12,500,000.00 (Twelve Million Five hundred Thousand Dollars only) in my bank and I happen to be his account officer before I was moved to my present position recently. The maturity date for this deposit contract was last 3rd of April 2005. Before this date, I have tried my possible best to locate a Next of Kin to late Mr. Schranner, but all efforts proved abortive, because all his family, including his Son In-Law and children died in the plane crash of
Concorde Air France Flight AF4590 which took place on 25th July 2000, some months after he did the deposit in my bank. You can read more story about the plane crash by visiting this website; http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/859479.stm
If it says it online, it must be true. Does it make any sense to you that the fixed deposit was 60 months (5 years) long, but the maturity date was 2 months and 2 days short of that? I don't know much about banking so maybe I'm wrong?

With the recent change of government in my country and with their efforts to support the United Nations in checkmating terrorism aid in Ghana. By end of Apirl next year, the Government will pass a new Financial Control Law which will give the Government authority to interrogate account ownersof above $5 million Dollars to explain the source of the funds, making
sure it is not for terrorism support. If I do not move this money out of the country immediately, by Apirl the Government will definitely confiscate the money, because my bank cannot provide the account owner to explain the source of the money since he is late. What year is this law being passed? And what is he is late to what? I'm sorry, I totally get what he means by that last phrase but I have read it three times now and it still cracks me up. Psst - Mr. Mensah, you spelled April wrong. Twice.

I decided to utilize this life time opportunity, instead of Government confiscating the, but I cannot directly claim the money without the help of a foreigner and that is why I am contacting you for an assistance. As the Account Officer to late Mr. Schranner, coupled with my present position and status in the bank, I have the power to influence the release of the funds to any foreigner that comes up as the Next of Kin to the account, with the correct information concerning the account, which I shall give you. I am having the secret Code for the account, which only the account owner or his Next of Kin can know. I shall supply all necessary information we need for the claim and there is practically no risk involved, the transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law, beside Ghana is porous and anything goes.
Yeah, anything does go. You are going to use me to get the money then have your goons jump me behind the bank and the government will look the other way because they are so porous. Practically no risk...

If you accept to work with me, I want you to state how you wish us to share the funds in percentage, so that both parties will be satisfied. I shall explain to you in details how we shall handle the transaction once I receive your response. Thanking you in advance and may God bless you. Please, treat with utmost confidentiality. I shall send you copy of thedeposit slip issued to Mr. Schranner when the deposit was made for your perusal. I wait your urgent response. I'll take 95% you get 5%. You had better be satisfied with $625,000 because that's all you are getting. And I don't know how much the Divine will bless me being all sneaky and stealing dead folk's money.

Please reply to this email: attn_dame2@yahoo.com.hk
Ghana is in Africa but this email is a Hong Kong address. Hmm.

Regards,
Daniel Mensah

Apostle Song

2008-05-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

Thanks Angie!

Hullabaloo & Snappity Poppity Chomp

2008-05-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

I'm writing a collection of poems for children. The idea is that they will be entertaining but also have a message and many will also be religious. Take a look. I will post a couple at a time or as I write them. Let me know what you think.

HULLABALOO

Squinty & Minty, best friends since two
rumbled & rambled as young boys do
changed their fate with a tongue so loose
when Minty called Squinty a Hullabaloo

"Hullabaloo? Hullabaloo!
How dare you utter such phony goop!
From now I swear as enemies do
to tell the world of your wicked untruths!"

Squinty & Minty, the tale be told
fought 'til 100 & 2 years old
their minds all covered in hate & mold
forgot the source of their fight so cold

Still they grumbled & grambled all about town
their beards hung low & touched the ground
their faces wore wrinkled perma-frowns
and their eyes turned muck, once golden brown

Hullabaloo. Hullabaloo
can destroy a friendship built since two
mind your words and your gabby goose
don't whisper one bit of this Hullabaloo.
-AAM

SNAPPITY POPPITY CHOMP

Snappity pop
Chompity snap
You hear a mile away
Charlie Picket chomps and pops
Every Sunday day
Poppity Snap
Snappity Chomp
Mrs. Picket tells her son
To stop the snaps and chomps
And pops of his chewing gum
Poppity chomp
Chompity pop
He doesn't as he's told
Pops so loud, others can't hear
The words of Brother Gold.
-AAM

B.O.R.E.D

2008-04-25T23:20:00.000-07:00

I'm ridiculously tired and yet determined to write something interesting in my neglected blog.

Megen is working on a Mickey Mouse cake for our birthday party tomorrow and I'm trying to occupy myself with fun and interesting things to do. I'm too restless for a movie, too bored to surf the net, and too interested in life around me to go to sleep when someone else *Meg* is awake. I'm like a child, I know. Don't tell Mom I'm bored or she will make me dig a hole in the backyard and fill it back up when I'm done.

I think I'm going to start posting some of my writings to get your honest feedback. I tend to occult that which I write and realize that hiding my talents under a bushel is not beneficial to anyone except maybe the bushel... if it happens to be interested in reading, that is. I have a whopping four readers who frequent my blog but the constructive criticism could be just what I need! If I believed in writer's block, I would say that I have it right now. Not as I write, but in this moment in my life. Last night I was writing and ended up scratching nearly the whole thing out. But, since I don't believe in writer's block, I will keep on keepin' on.

The bed is calling me. Megen is still making Mickey's head.

Cat Face #4, Babeee!

2008-04-19T02:43:00.000-07:00

This one is a big disappointment. I posted it cause its the 4th.
Plus, Gordon Ramsay sounds Irish here. Definitely not English. -Ambi

It is a feast for both the taste buds and the eye; like some sort of tasty picture or something, I don't know.

Weakness ≠ Strengths

2008-04-15T23:50:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I had to interview a number of potential candidates interested in filling some spots we have open at work. I came up with a list of questions that I used as a guide so that I could fairly get a feel for each candidate according to their responses. The answers that most intrigued me came when I asked them to tell me one of their weaknesses . Ready for the responses?!

Here we go:

- I'm a perfectionist

- I don't have any weaknesses

- I'm not good at PowerPoint

- I'm not fond of typing

- I'm a "softy"

- I'm interested in so much

- Sometimes I'm too detail-oriented

- I am very laid back

- I'm shy at first

- I get really frustrated when people use company time to do personal things

After the first few interviews, I came to realize that the interviewees had a really hard time coming up with legitimate weaknesses. I didn't expect them to say, "I can't stop smoking crack," or "I'm a really bad employee" but I figured that I'd get more responses along the "I'm not good at PowerPoint" line.
My favorite was, "I get really frustrated when people use company time to do personal things." Come on. Really? That's the best you can come up with? Somewhere in this guy's mind I'm sure he was thinking, "Oooh, I'll dazzle her with this one."
When you are given the opportunity to examine yourself and express a weakness (since we all have them!) DON'T DISGUISE THEM AS STRENGTHS!! By doing so, you are simply justifying the weakness!

So, with that said, I have decided to take this time and publicly announce some of my greatest weaknesses. I searched my soul and came up with 3 big ones.

1. I love too much
2. I trust too easily
3. I'm constantly helping others so I don't have much time for myself

Don't judge me too harshly.

Cat Face Episode 3

2008-04-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

What are you, some sort of catist? That’s right, yes, I said it.

You have the moth. Don’t be greedy, honestly.

La Cucaracha Fea

2008-03-31T23:12:00.000-07:00

It seems that yet again spring has brought us such a nice surprise: bugs, bugs, and more bugs! The hotter out it gets, the more bugs want to come inside so that they don't burn their feetsies on the hot pavement. Let me set this story up by declaring to the world that I HATE BUGS!!!

Okay, that's not 100% true since I really don't mind :

Lady Bugs

Praying Mantises

Crickets

But the two Las Vegas commoners that I despise are Ants and Cockroaches.

Well, last night I went into Megen's room to pick out a movie to watch and saw a nice, fat cockroach hurrying across her bedroom floor. You must know that Megen HATES cockroaches and she is most certain that one will crawl into her ear while she is sleeping. I tried to get the bug but it ran away and we could not find it. We searched and searched and he had scurried into his dark places to form a plan with his cohorts to take over the world. Oh, and to whomever who thought that it was a good idea to share the fact that to every one roach you see there can be more than 200 hiding, thanks. Thanks so much. I feel so much better now.

Megen was devastated and in her devastation I sometimes have to laugh because she is so dramatic. She really hates bugs bad though. Megen usually goes to bed around 10:00 pm and no later than 11pm but it was 12:30 am and she still hadn't gone to bed because she was so scared that the cockroach would crawl in bed with her and try and take a nap. I thought about la cucaracha using her pillow to sleep... haha. I wouldn't want one in my bed so I quickly asked for forgiveness as I didn't want the Lord to teach me a lesson by having the roach come to use my blankets to cuddle up with.

Megen woke up a few times last night certain she found "him" crawling all over her. I ran in once to make sure she was okay and she told me that she thought she had looked the roach in the eyes. When it was time for me to go to sleep, I also started to get freaked out. Now, I know that it is just one little bug and that "he's more afraid of me than I am of him," but I must tell you, I couldn't stop thinking about how he was staging an attack and that it was gonna be big.

Megen and I have a roommate-style apartment with a hallway leading to either of our bedrooms. I left the hallway light on in hopes that he had a vampiric aversion to light. I figured that at least I could catch him making the trek from Meg's room to mine. I said my prayers asking Heavenly Father to at least keep me from knowing if Mr. Roach was crawling all over me. I figure that in such a case, its just better to be ignorant.

Can I just try and convey to you that this cockroach completely ruined my night? I could NOT sleep as I was too anxious. Just as I started to fall asleep (around 1:30 am. That was just the beginning as I was in and out of terrified consciousness until 4:30. AM. Por favor. ) I felt something on my neck. I swatted at it and it fell onto my bed, wounded. What was it? A SPIDER!*whimpers* Can I not get a break here? I wonder if he was doing recon work for Roachy...

Cat Face Episode 2

2008-03-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

You asked for more Cat Face Fun! Here you go:

I rubbed you with my special smell, yes. You smell nice, you belong to me, you stay here.

Inside Rome, Do Time...

2008-03-24T23:41:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago while pretending to do my Spanish homework, I came across a sort of urban legend about a man that programmed a computer to translate languages. The programmer translated the phrase, "Out of sight, out of mind" into some foreign language (the story changes about which language it was) and then back into English and much to the programmer's surprise, the translation result was "Invisible Idiot." According to this legend he tried again with, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" only to get a translation as,"The liquor is ok, but the meat is rotten!"
I cannot attest to the validity of this story but thought it would be fun to try it out on my own! I compiled a list of common phrases and using the Babel Fish translator(http://babelfish.altavista.com/), I came up with a list of fun translations to share with you.
Check them out: (Side note: the phrases all started out in English, were translated into whichever language I wanted and then they were translated BACK into English. Also, I should point out that many of the translations came out 100% A-okay so there is something to be said for the programs.)
Have fun! -Ambi

Let sleeping dogs lie
Russian > Prevented lie of dogs to sleep
Japanese > There is a sleep dog which is permitted
Chinese > Let sleep the dog rumour

Let the cat out of the bag
Portuguese > The cat leaves is of the bag
Korean > Make the cat from the unit

When in Rome, do as the Romans do
Spanish > When in Rome, it does like the Romans
Spanish>French>Portuguese > (I translated it from English to Spanish to French, to Portuguese just to see what would happen. The result: When in Rome, to make as Novels
Korean > Inside Rome, do time, the Romans the broad way

When the cat is away, the mice will play
Spanish>French>Portuguese > When the cat will be absent, the rats will play
Spanish > When the cat is absent, the mice will play
Japanese > When the cat is left, the mouse plays

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?
Russian > Why will purchase to cow when you you do obtain milk for freely?
Italian > Why it buys the cow when you obtain the latte ones for free?
Greek > Why you buy the cow when you take the milk free of charge?
Korean > When you it will be free getting the hazard milk, live the cow why?

The pot calling the kettle black
Japanese > The pot which calls the black of the kettle
Korean > The pot which calls a kettle official approval
German > The pot, which designates the boiler-black

You are preaching to the choir!
Korean > It is preaching in the choir which it spreads out,! (that comma is not an error on my part, it translated that way!!!)
French> You preach with the chorus!
French>Greek > Declare in the chorus!

And one just for some Valley Girl fun....

Gag me with a credit card and take me to the mall!

Spanish > Amordáceme with a credit card and take me to the tree-lined avenue! (Question: Why would "gag" translate from English to the Spanish "Amordáceme" but it wouldn't translate back to English?? I looked up the word "gag" alone and it translated back to being "jaw.")
Japanese > Process me of the credit card with gag, keep accompanying in the mall!
German > Choke me with a credit card and take you me to the Mall!
Korean > Will carry in the charge card and put on and to bite, do take away to the strip mall!
Chinese > Gags I brings with the credit card and me to the shopping center!

Cat Face Episode 1

2008-03-07T00:15:00.000-08:00

Sharing the joys of Cat Face with the world has become a nightmare. One would think that after 40 minutes of trying to embed a video, and failing, that I would give up. Nope. I endure to the end.

So, please, puh-leese, click on the link and get your 1 minute and 12 second ration of Cat Face fun!! It's too good to miss. Oh, and don't worry... more Cat Face is sure to come.... :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xECEFbG_SO8

"Eat your greens kids, its very important for the pooping."

Squinting Against The World

2008-02-25T23:24:00.000-08:00

I lost my glasses. This has nothing to do with Maau Ji's abductors; I simply lost them. I half-heartedly looked for them but I'm sure that even if I gave it my all in the search and rescue they would stay hidden anyway. I liked those glasses. Hmph.

Megen urged me to go and get a new pair ASAP because I have the hardest time seeing in the dark without them (which is obviously difficult because come night fall I either: 1.) Drive and risk the life of others as I barrel down the road, squinting to my death 2.) Stay home and use the "no glasses excuse" to my advantage 3). Have Megen cart me everywhere we go after dark.) So after letting Megs tell me about a zillion times to be more responsible, I got my old pair of glasses out of my desk drawer at work and used those. They were really awkward when I first put them on and I had trouble getting my eyes adjusted. I thought it was just because I was used to a slightly stronger prescription but didn't worry too much about my temporary "fix". The next day I put them back on and had the same problem with getting my eyes adjusted. Are you ready for the reason why? Wait for it.... wait for it... My glasses only had one lens!! I used them to drive to WalMart and home and DID NOT NOTICE at all! Obviously I was struggling to see but I didn't realize why!!

On a slightly different note, I went to http://www.squinting.com/ and found this incredibly hip photo.

This website not only features extremely attractive and modern styles (obviously. see left) but it also has coupons for contact lenses that expire in 2050!!!

If you go to http://www.squinting.com/ and run your cursor over the picture it says, "Model wearing glasses - not squinting" just to ram the point home that these glasses do, in fact, keep you from squinting. But what if I wear them while missing one gigantic lens?

Hey Jude! Wait for the ending....

2008-02-23T23:01:00.000-08:00

Na, na, na, na na na....

The Kidnapping of Maau Ji

2008-02-23T00:55:00.000-08:00

HAVE YOU SEEN THiS ANTENNAE BALL?

Maau Ji

DOB: 2000ish, some factory

MiSSiNG: 2/16/2008

HEiGHT: 2 inches, generously

WEiGHT: A couple of grams

EYES: Grey

HAiR/SKiN: Black

iDENTiFYiNG FACTORS: He has no body

MiSSiNG FROM: Las Vegas, NV

I have been robbed. Over the weekend I opened my home to two individuals (their identities must be kept a secret until after the trial) who manipulatively stripped me of my dear companion and confidant, Maau Ji. I suppose one could claim that the crime ensued only after I made the offhanded comment that Maau Ji and I had been together for around 8 years. I was not gloating nor being pretentious in any way that would trigger such a hate crime. I merely thought that it was sweet that Maau Ji was still there for me after I left him for a year and a half to frolic and play in Argentina. Still, he held no grudges and kept his post for YEARS until my ex-friends came and took him away from the only home he has ever known.

The captors assure me that he is alive and well, living in Utah. I know he misses me, Las Vegas and riding along on my '95 Corolla.

$10.00 US cash goes to the individual that can bring him home to me safely.
(seriously, give him back or else...)

He smiles on the outside but cries on the inside.